EPISODE 17 SHOW NOTES

Where Do You Need More Support?

Resilient Expats LLC Expat Family Connection podcast episode 17 Where do you need more support

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Resilient Expats LLC Expat Family Connection

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Resilient Expats LLC Expat Family Connection podcast

EPISODE 17 SHOWNOTES

Where Do You Need More Support?

BY KIM ADAMS

In this episode I share a few of my lessons learned in expat life – areas of my life that would have been easier if I’d had the right kind of support earlier. 

“Honestly, if I’d known about a program like this when we were first starting out, I would have jumped on it. … If I’d seen a program like this and thought we could have someone holding our hand, teaching us not just how to do it once, but teaching us how to get along for the whole time abroad, with targeted support now but lifetime access so we could dip in every time we faced challenges, that would have been a game changer and I would have jumped on it.”

In this episode I share my take on the need for 

  • choosing friends who can give wise counsel; 
  • cultivating relationships with a diverse social network;
  • having strategies for dealing with chaos, overwhelm and uncertainty; 
  • learning how to get satisfaction now, even while waiting for a desired outcome; 
  • knowing how to have energy for the long haul

and explain how my program adapt.succeed.together. helps with all this and more. Invest in yourself. You will grow. And the program will grow with you, too.

RESOURCES mentioned in the episode: 

Free training on Energy for the long haul – Tuesday January 26

Free training on Relationships – Thursday January 28

Free training on Understanding cultural adaptation to ease your growing pains & frustrations – Saturday January 30

adapt.succeed.together. 12-week group program starts February 15 – with a special bonus for those who sign up by February 1. Get more details and updates on the adapt.succeed.together. Facebook page

RATHER READ? I’ve got you covered with a transcript and blog post below. 

ENJOYED THIS EPISODE?

  • Take a screenshot and share it with your friends … tag @ResilientExpats.

You might also like the full series on major life transitions:

  • Episode 14 – with Jane Ordaz
  • Episode 16 – with Andrea Puck
  • Episode 18 – with Anna Seidel
  • Episode 19 – with Andrea Andrade

To inquire how Kim can support you through adapt.succeed.together.send an email or use the contact form.

ABOUT YOUR HOST:

Kim Adams is an American raising three daughters along with her math-teaching husband of 20 years. She loves photography, reading, thunderstorms, walking on the beach, camping where there are no bugs, and has a weakness for mint chocolate chip ice cream.

CONNECT WITH KIM: 

Inquire about adapt.succeed.together. and get all your questions answered.

Email Kim

Resilient Expats LLC website  |  Facebook page  |  Free Parents Community on Facebook

Affiliate Links: Some links may be affiliate referrals. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Click the “plus” below for the full text transcript, or scroll down for the blog post.

I’ve been hinting at a program that’s coming, adapt.succeed.together. and today I want to tell you a bit more about it. 

If you’ve been listening to recent episodes you’ll know I’ve been interviewing my colleagues, fellow facilitators. And I’ve got two more of those coming in the next two weeks. But for today, let me tell you more about the program we’re launching.

What IS Adapt.Succeed.Together.?

This is a group version of the program Adapt and Succeed Abroad created by Sundae Schneider-Bean, that combines Adapt and Succeed Abroad with a community element, so you’re working with not just one facilitator, but you’re benefiting from the experience and learning of other clients and other facilitators too, all in one package called adapt.succeed.together.

The program puts together all of the core challenges expats face over the course of many years of rotational expat life, into one platform. It’s the first and only program that addresses things that go beyond the obvious, beyond logistics: the deeper issues people struggle with. It teaches the right mindset and strategies to expedite your success, in whatever you came to do – whether that’s a job or taking care of your family – whatever it is, this program is designed to elevate your experience abroad and your performance. It helps to take away that layer of stress and overwhelm that drains you of focus, energy, joy – so you can do what you came to do.

The program teaches strategies for how to see, approach, & solve problems such as

  • Chaos & overwhelm, Feeling incompetent
  • Leaving well & arriving well
  • Adapting to the culture and cultivating relationships – in your home, in your host country, and at home
  • Avoiding burnout

You learn strategies you can implement yourself and in relationship with a facilitator, when the challenges come up, to fast track working through those challenges … so you’re more empowered, have clarity faster, and can spend your energy on your top priorities. So you’re feeling productive.

SO THAT you can do your job. Basically that’s what it comes down to.

It’s also a safe, neutral 3rd party where you can admit what you’re struggling with, without worrying about how that looks to your employer or your partner’s employer. I think this is really important and something that’s missing for the vast majority of people. Even if your insurance covers counseling and similar services, you might feel like you don’t want to submit that reimbursement claim. So having a place where you can let your hair down, where you don’t have to have it all together, is huge. 

And, built into the program is long term community. There’s the community of people who are going through the materials at the same time, so you’re building connections and friendships. Then you also have ongoing community with free access to Q&A times with me and other facilitators, so you know you’re not alone, you have people to bounce ideas off of, people who know this vocabulary you’re using, they know about the same toolkit and can help remind you of what’s at your fingertips, whenever you need it.

This program was created because it’s a more affordable option than going through all of this training and coaching would be if you were to work 1:1 with a coach for a long period. Here it’s a combination of DIY recorded lessons and reflection exercises … paired WITH a number of facilitated sessions to help you get more out of the materials, and help you see how to apply it directly to your exact situation and circumstances…  Plus a circle of people sharing their insights which amplifies your own learning.

Honestly if I’d known about a program like this when we were first starting out, I would have jumped on it. I’d read little bits before we ever moved away about the emotional rollercoaster that would happen while adjusting to a new culture and life, about how repatriation might be the hardest adjustment of all. So I knew it was going to be challenging.

If I’d seen a program like this and thought we could have someone holding our hand, teaching us not just how to do it once, but teaching us how to get along for the whole time abroad, with targeted support now but lifetime access so we could dip in every time we faced challenges, that would have been a game changer and I would have jumped on it.

We’ve had a great experience, don’t get me wrong. There are some things we could have done better, and I’m so glad to have learned what I have in the last couple of years that is going to keep paying dividends for the rest of our lives abroad and for the rest of our lives.

And I say I would have jumped on it if I’d known about it years ago. Absolutely. But it’s not just for newbies. It’s been incredible going through the program after more than 10 years out, I learned SO much from this program, it’s been a huge benefit. 

Let me tell you just a few bits of what’s helped me. In no particular order, just how they came to mind: 

Here are some reasons Why We Could Have Used This Program Before

  1. Choosing wise counsel

When we first moved abroad we quickly made very close friends, who are still some of our very closest friends even though we’re scattered around the globe.

I would not trade our experiences together for anything.

And I also recognize after the fact that sometimes our conversations didn’t help us rise above our frustrations, but kept us swirling about in them.

We helped each other by letting each other vent, and then agreeing, and we dealt with frustrations by coming up with solutions from our own perspective.

I think we would have benefitted from seeking out other points of view from people who had different experience, more experience and perspective. This program would have helped us recognize where we were being lazy or where we were not intentionally cultivating a diverse social network to give us broader perspectives, which would help combat certain types of frustrations.

  1. Cultivating relationships intentionally

——–

Hey I’m interrupting for just a moment.

If you like what you hear, and someone you know is coming to mind who could benefit from adapt.succeed.together. would you do them a favor and share this episode with them right now? That’s it. Share the episode and say, “I was thinking of you, thought this could really help.” Or “This sounds amazing, you should check it out!” Make someone’s day brighter.

Now back to our show.

——–

  1. Cultivating relationships intentionally

By nature, my husband and I are introverts and home bodies and we tend to join into social activities that are happening around us, that someone else has organized, but when it comes to organizing our own efforts for social engagement, it’s an area we can still grow.

And I’ll be perfectly honest, we have stayed mostly within an expat bubble. It’s a multicultural bubble, and we’ve gained a lot from it. But we could do more to cultivate relationships with people who are not like us.

This is one area the Adapt and Succeed Abroad program has opened my eyes to what I’m missing by not intentionally working on friendships and connections with local people.

Also, I’ve lived with a lot of tension over being separated from my family and friends “back home” – and I still say “back home” even though I don’t really feel like I belong there anymore.

This is an area I have made leaps and bounds in because of the strategies and mindsets I’ve learned through the Adapt and Succeed Abroad program. I have a really different attitude and feeling now about living so far away, and that sense of nagging regret is very much reduced. 

If this piques your interest, there’s a free webinar on this topic later this week – check the link in the show notes.

  1. Dealing with chaos and overwhelm and uncertainty

This one is huge, and it’s one that comes up over and over again, because … life happens. 

I’ve always been a pretty even keeled person, I don’t tend to get excitable – at least in a way others will see.

Right before last baby was born I was recounting to my friends all the things that were not settled yet – I was getting close to that nesting stage and there were a lot of moving parts that we didn’t have answers to – who’s going to watch the kids, where are we going to stay, will my doula be able to make it, etc. etc. One of my friends said, “Gosh, it’s amazing that you’re not in a panic!” And the other friend said, “This IS Kim in a panic!” and I said YES you know me well. I have just listed out a whole bunch of things that are weighing on me. That’s me in a panic.

Nevertheless, this thing of too much to do, so much to do I can’t even think where to start, can’t decide what’s most important, keep distracting myself with another item on the to-do list…

This happens frequently. Not just when you’re trying to organize an international move or have just arrived and are trying to set up life. But also around the holidays when the calendar gets jam packed. When a new child is starting school and there’s a lot to organize. When we’re preparing for several weeks away in the summer. When somebody in the house is sick and all the routines get thrown off.

So now, because of the tools in Adapt and Succeed Abroad program, I have a sense of security knowing that I can put the brakes on, figure out what’s most important, and make a plan to get it done. That sounds simple, and it is, but sometimes I need someone to show me how to simplify a situation that feels like too much.

The end result is I have more confidence and assurance because I’ve got this thing in my back pocket that’ll help me through those situations. And I’ve got a whole community of people who speak the same vocabulary to turn to, to remind me of the tools in my pocket. So that just takes the temperature down a few notches.

  1. Finding satisfaction now

I’ve spent a lot of time in my life looking forward to the future. Ah, I’ll be happy when such-and-such situation comes to pass. That’s when my life will really begin.

  • When my child goes to school, then I’ll really be able to concentrate.
  • When the weather warms up, then I’ll enjoy mornings because it won’t be so cold.
  • When the weather cools down, I’ll exercise more.

You get the idea. The list is almost endless.

Now, because of the exercises in the program my expectation has changed. I started practicing getting what I want NOW. Right in the middle of the situation that isn’t ideal, I can already have a taste of that success. 

This is an amazing gift. To be able to cherish my life now, even while I’m waiting for that desired outcome to happen.

  1. Energy for the long haul

We used to exist in cycles of excitement and discouragement – high energy and crash – loving the possibilities and opportunities and then feeling desperate for a change, actually on the edge of burnout.

I’ve learned how to recognize what I need and how to give it to myself. This is one of the best things that will keep paying dividends for the rest of our lives.

If this is a topic you’re interested in, one of my colleagues has a free webinar tomorrow – January 26 – there’s a link in the shownotes.

That’s 5 reasons I wish I’d had this in my hands sooner. Just the tip of the iceberg. 

And also, I want to say, this program is not so much an expense, as an investment in yourself. It’s an investment in your now and an investment in your future. Because you’re going to grow from it.

And the program grows with you too. That sounds funny, but it’s a little like peeling an onion, Every time I go in I see more, or something speaks to me now that I’m in a different circumstance. I had processed it on one level, and now when I return to that same lesson I process it on a different level. Which is why it’s relevant for all expats, even if you’re experienced, you may recognize that you’d like to do it better, or have it be easier, or make the most of the life you’re living.

So I want you to join us. Time’s getting short because we kick off on February 15. And we do have a special bonus for anyone who signs up by the 1st of February, so don’t wait. Send me a message saying, “I’m in! How do I sign up?!” or “I’m curious, I’d like to know more,” and I’ll send you the details you need. Send me an email at kim @ resilient expats .com or there’s a link in the show notes to a contact form.

I also have a free training coming up this Saturday – January 30 – where I’ll share a new metaphor for cultural adaptation and how that understanding can really help ease your growing pains and frustrations. Check the show notes for details.

What IS adapt.succeed.together. ?

After some hinting in prior episodes/posts, it’s time to explain more about the program I’m launching with several colleagues: adapt.succeed.together.

This is a group version of the program Adapt & Succeed Abroad created by Sundae Schneider-Bean. This program teaches the mindset and strategies you need to expedite your success, in whatever you came to do – whether that’s a job or taking care of your family – whatever it is, this program is designed to elevate your experience abroad and your performance

It puts together all of the core challenges expats face – over the course of many years in rotational expat life – into one platform. It’s the first and only program that goes beyond logistics, beyond the obvious, to address things beneath the surface: the deeper issues people struggle with.

It helps to take away that layer of stress and overwhelm that drains you of focus, energy, joy – so you can do what you came to do, and focus your energy on your top priorities.

The program teaches strategies for how to see, approach, & solve problems such as

  • Chaos & overwhelm
  • Feeling incompetent
  • Leaving well & arriving well
  • Adapting to the culture
  • Cultivating relationships – in your household, in your host country, and long distance
  • Avoiding burnout

With this program you’re able to fast track working through those challenges. Thus you’re more empowered, have clarity faster, and feel productive.

Woah! Sign me up!

Resilient Expats LLC Expat Family Connection podcast episode 17 where do you need more support

Community support is built into adapt.succeed.together.

With adapt.succeed.together., you benefit from not only the program materials and your facilitator, but also the experience and learning of other expats who’re also going through the program at the same time. 

For 12 weeks you’ll work through the materials on a set schedule along with your group. During this time you get access to the insights and key takeaways from four other facilitators and their groups, inside a private, shared Facebook group.

After the 12 weeks is over, you’ll have extended community support and Q&A opportunities through my Facebook group. This means you’ll always know you have people you can turn to … people who share a vocabulary and knowledge of the same toolkit, and can remind you of the strategies and skills you have “in your back pocket.”

adapt.succeed.together. provides a much needed neutral, third party space -- without your employer watching.

Many people hesitate to admit they’re struggling to adapt or to cope, for fear of looking bad to their employer or partner’s employer. Some people even skip out on accessing services that would be reimbursable through their insurance program over fear of appearing weak if someone in the office found out.

With adapt.succeed.together. you have a safe, neutral, third party space to bring your questions. It’s a place where you don’t have to have it all together.

This is a missing element for most expats. No, I’m not providing counseling or therapy! But I’m guiding you through professionally developed, proven and tested strategies that are completely different from having a vent session with your friends.

Resilient Expats LLC Expat Family Connection podcast episode 17 where do you need more support

adapt.succeed.together. is more affordable than extensive 1:1 coaching.

This program was created because organizations can’t afford to pay for extensive 1:1 coaching for their employees (and their partners). Adapt & Succeed Abroad includes 20 professionally produced lessons with accompanying reflection exercises that you can complete in your own time. This is the equivalent of at least 20 individual sessions with a qualified coach … and you get to return again and again for a lifetime.

On top of that, adapt.succeed.together. adds 7 group sessions with a facilitator to take you deeper, work through any sticking points, apply the materials directly to your exact situation, solicit shared experiences and synthesize the group’s learning. This circle of people sharing their insights amplifies your learning.

Plus your facilitator — and four other facilitators — will produce and share bonus resources related to her specialty focus area (I’m focusing on international schools families & teachers; Anna is focusing on parents of TCKs; Andrea is focusing on repats; Renata is focusing on purpose; Jane is focusing on women in (peri)menopause).

And after all of that, you have ongoing free Q&A opportunities.

This is jaw dropping, tremendous value.

adapt.succeed.together. is a game changer.

Honestly, if I’d known about a program like this years ago, I would have jumped on it. 

I’d read little bits before we ever moved about the emotional rollercoaster while adjusting to a new culture, and about how repatriation might be the hardest adjustment of all. So I knew it was going to be challenging.

If I’d seen a program like this and thought we could have someone holding our hand … teaching us not just how to do it once, but teaching us how to expedite our success for the whole time abroad … with targeted support now plus lifetime access so we could dip in every time we faced challenges … that would have been a game changer and I would have jumped on it.

Invest in yourself. You're worth it.

Think of adapt.succeed.together. not as an expense, but as an investment in yourself. It’s an investment in your now, and an investment in your future. Because you’re going to grow from it.

And the program grows with you too. That sounds funny, but it’s a little like peeling an onion. Every time I revisit the program I see something new or I see it on a different (deeper) level. Since my circumstance has changed, I can return to the same lesson and get more out of it. 

Which is why it’s relevant for all expats. Even if you’re experienced, you may recognize that you’d like to do it better, or have it be easier, or make the most of the life you’re living.

Won’t you join us? We kick off on February 15. There’s a special bonus if you sign up by February 1, so don’t wait. Send me an email or message saying, “I’m in! How do I sign up?!” or “I’m curious, I’d like to know more,” and I’ll send you the details you need.

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Second half of episode continues below ...

ABOUT HOST

Resilient Expats Kim Adams College and University Speaker

Hi there! I’m Kim Adams, member of Expat Coach Coalition and licensed practitioner for Adapt and Succeed Abroad. I’m an American raising three daughters along with my math teaching husband of 20+ years, currently in Oman.

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What I've learned from adapt.succeed.together. will pay dividends for the rest of my life.

We’ve had a great experience over the past 12 years. And I recognize there are some things we could have done better. I’m so glad to have learned the strategies and skills in adapt.succeed.together. That’s going to benefit us for years to come: for the rest of our lives abroad … and for the rest of our lives.

I would have jumped on this program if I’d known about it years ago. And it’s not just for newbies. I’ve learned so much from this program after 10+ years abroad. 

I’ll share just a few bits of what I’ve gained from the program (in no particular order). Here are some reasons why we could have used this program before. Can you relate?

1. We would have benefitted from understanding the importance of choosing wise counsel (and knowing how).

When we first moved abroad we quickly made very close friends, who are still some of our very closest friends even though we’re scattered around the globe. I wouldn’t trade our experiences together for anything.

I also recognize that sometimes our conversations didn’t help us rise above our frustrations, but kept us swirling about in them. We helped each other by letting each other vent, and then agreeing. We dealt with frustrations by coming up with solutions from our own perspective, and getting even more upset when those solutions weren’t implemented.

This program would have helped us recognize where we lacked a diverse social network to give us broader perspectives, which would help combat certain types of frustrations, and showing us how to make sure we cultivated those relationships.

Resilient Expats LLC Expat Family Connection podcast episode 17 where do you need more support

2. We would have benefitted from cultivating relationships intentionally.

By nature, my husband and I are introverts & homebodies. We tend to join into social activities that someone else has organized, but we have room to grow when it comes to organizing our own efforts for social engagement.

And I’ll be perfectly honest, we’ve stayed mostly within an expat bubble. It’s a multicultural bubble, and we’ve gained a lot from it. But we could do more to cultivate relationships with people who are not like us.

This is one area the Adapt & Succeed Abroad program has opened my eyes to what I’m missing by not intentionally working on friendships and connections with local people.

Also, I’ve lived with a lot of tension over being separated from my family and friends “back home.” This is an area where I’ve made leaps and bounds because of the strategies and mindsets I’ve learned through this program. I have a really different attitude and feeling now about living so far away. That sense of nagging regret is very much reduced. 

If this piques your interest, there’s a free training on this topic later this week – check it out. Can You Hear Me? – January 28

3. We would have benefitted from strategies for dealing with chaos & overwhelm and uncertainty.

This one is huge, and it comes up over and over again, because … life happens

I’ve always been a pretty even keeled person, I don’t tend to get excitable – at least in a way others will see. Nevertheless, having too much to do — so much to do I can’t even think where to start, can’t decide what’s most important — this happens frequently.

Not just when you’re trying to organize an international move or have just arrived and are trying to set up life. But also

  • around the holidays when the calendar gets jam packed.
  • when a new child is starting school and there’s a lot to organize.
  • when we’re preparing for several weeks away in the summer.
  • when somebody in the house is sick and all the routines get thrown off.

Now, because of this program, I have a sense of security knowing that I can put the brakes on, figure out what’s most important, and make a plan to get it done. That sounds simple … and it is … but sometimes I need someone to show me how to simplify a situation that feels like too much.

The end result is I have more confidence and assurance because I’ve got this thing “in my back pocket” that’ll help me through those situations. And I’ve got a whole community of people who speak the same vocabulary to turn to, to remind me of the tools in my pocket. That just takes the temperature down a few notches.

4. We would have benefitted from knowing how to find satisfaction NOW.

Even though I consider myself quite content, I’ve spent a lot of time in my life looking forward to the future. Ah, I’ll be happy when such-and-such situation comes to pass. “That’s when my life will really begin.”

  • When my child goes to school, then I’ll really be able to concentrate.
  • When the weather warms up, then I’ll enjoy mornings because it won’t be so cold.
  • When the weather cools down, I’ll exercise more.

You get the idea. The list is almost endless.

Now, because of the exercises in this program my expectation has changed. I started practicing getting what I want NOW. Right in the middle of the situation that isn’t ideal, I can already have a taste of that success. 

This is an amazing gift. To be able to cherish my life now, even while I’m waiting for that desired outcome to happen.

Resilient Expats LLC Expat Family Connection podcast episode 17 where do you need more support

5. We would have benefitted from knowing how to have enough energy for the long haul.

We used to exist in cycles of excitement and discouragement – high energy and crash – loving the possibilities and opportunities and then feeling desperate for a change, actually on the edge of burnout.

I’ve learned how to recognize what I need and how to give it to myself. This is one of the best things that will keep paying dividends for the rest of our lives.

If this is a topic you’re interested in, one of my colleagues has a free training tomorrow – check it out: Resilience: The Art of Flourishing – January 26 and there’s another one next week: Resilience: Bring It On! – February 1

The right metaphor for cultural adaptation can ease your growing pains and frustrations.

There are several different models of cultural adaptation which outline different stages and the behaviors and thoughts we have. Those models are helpful … and like all models, they don’t give the full picture. There’s a new metaphor that resonates deeply with me and my colleagues, which I’ll share in a free training later this week – I hope to see you there! The Swing Effect: Ups & Downs of Cultural Adaptation – January 30

MORE EPISODES

ABOUT YOUR HOST

Resilient Expats LLC Kim Adams

Kim Adams is an American raising three daughters along with her math teaching husband of 20+ years. She loves photography, reading, thunderstorms, walking on the beach, camping where there are no bugs, and has a weakness for mint chocolate chip ice cream.

As a member of Expat Coach Coalition, Kim is a licensed practitioner for Adapt and Succeed Abroad, a tested and proven program that helps you do just that: adapt, and succeed, no matter where you are.

THANKS FOR LISTENING!